♥ Mental ♥ Heart ♥

Admitting mistakes can’t hurt,
I’m not the last but I sure ain’t the first.
Lets excuse the obscene, ignore the untrue
They are only after all, depictions we see, try & get through.
I once have rosed above the noise & confusion,
just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.
You almost had me, I was gasping for air
We were on the edge, yes, that edge over there
In a world where nobody cares.

what can i do?
the river’s overrun, we’re swimming in a flood.
i thought i felt your touch, but the water’s rising up.
all my life i’ve been the slave of consequence,
wondering how this life could be so intricate.
can you free me from the logic that i knew,
i believe it even if its not true.
with your feet in the air, & your head on the ground
& the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can’t replace.
when you love someone, but it goes to waste-
could it be worse?

some days feel alone, rolling on & on like a stone.
some days feel like chores, I get more than I bargained for.
A heavy plate for one to undertake.
i’d hate for you to say I told you so,
you thought you’d let me know.
some people, they taste like lemonade,
some people, can feel like razorblades.
i wish i could float away, some days more than others lets say.
make it sweet, a sweet goodbye.
it could be for the last time, its not right.
don’t let yourself get in over your head,
alone & far from home.
throw the bottle, break the door & disappear.
& you said to ask you anything 
well, i spend my days by the telephone that never rang.
& all i needed was a call, that never came.
lost & insecure, you found me, laying on the floor.
surrounded, surrounded, you have me surrounded.
why’d you have to wait? where were you, just a little to late.

get away, hurry up, come on,
this is becoming a catastrophe.
i made up my mind, too tired to think
everything i have to do, too many things.
i’ll try to comprehend where to quit,
& where i should begin.
i know that i shouldn’t let it get to me, but it does,
& who am i kidding? this city really gets to me.
so tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?
because my jealous heart really can’t take that.
but i’ll be okay, is that what you want me to say?

lets play a game of russian roulette,
i’ll load the gun, you place the bets.
over & over & over again, we play the same old game.
cards kept close to our chests, that’s where your secrets kept.
so wear that cheap smuck on your face,
hands to the fool, hands to the thief.
cut me up & wear my skin, tear me down, clean me up.
get out your guns, the battles begun,
if loves a fight, that i shall die, with my heart on this trigger.
they say before you start a war, you better know what you’re fighting for.
I’m an angel with a shotgun, fighting till the wars won,
& i don’t care if heaven won’t take me back.

you drank the poison & i, i let you in.
would you trade that heart of gold,
for a minute in my skin.

 

I’ll be just fine,
pretending I’m not.
I’m far from lonely,
& it’s all that i’ve got.
I was too blind to see that,
you were too deaf to hear me.
just know if I could go back,
this would all be different.
You must have mistaken me,
for someone just as fake as you -
We stare at broken clocks, the hands don’t turn anymore.
The days turn into night, empty hearts & empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
Redesign me, state of the art.
Erase my mind, replace my heart I wanna start over.
Redefine me, take me apart. Change my mind, change my heart.

Cross my heart, I don’t want to die,
But heaven knows, it seems like i try. 
lost in a labyrinth, for weeks on end,
i live & learn from my mistakes, then forget them again.
got a feeling in my stomach & it just won’t quit,
it’s subtle as a shotgun, heavy as a brick. 
because i’m staring at the devil & the truth of it is,
he’s a lot more familiar than I’d care to admit. 
I’m sorry I let you down, I could use some poor excuse,
that’s when you stuttered something profound,
every word gets you a step closer to hell.
we all have our horrors & our demons to fight 
but how can I win, when I’m paralyzed?

oh underdog, just look at the mess you made
its such a shame I had to find you this way. 
revenge loves company, but three makes a crowd.
well now this could be the last of the last
so hold on tight & don’t look back.
I don’t care about the message, i don’t care for the rules -
when we were young we used to say,
that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break.
high up above or down below,
you’re too in love to let it go.
if you never try, you’ll never know
what you’re worth will ignite your bones.

& what if i can’t forget you?
i’ll burn your name into my skin
i tried to be perfect, but nothing was worth it
i thought it’d be easy, but no one believes me.
i meant all the things i had said.
i’d say all the words that i know, just to see if it would show.
you are so empty, my thoughts are so tempting
i don’t know how it got so bad -
sometimes it’s so crazy, the nothing can save me.
but it’s the only thing that i have.
what makes your pain such an urgency?
now i want out, so plain to see,
once again my dear, a brand new tragedy.

A little black lie, never hurt you.
The wrong inside you masks the shatter -
In a way, I need to change.
This burnout you call a scene,
Your over the line, can’t define what I’m after.
Can’t you see it’s over, My shrinking universe. 
Purposeless survival, struggle to recognize -
The cruelly heart-felt suicide;

Look into my eyes,
what do you see?
Hopeless & taken,
Stolen new lives-
Through the blood & pain,
In defense I’m only in a dream.
My deepest fear is not that I’m broken,
But that in the end, there is hope
That one day, I’ll be put together again.
In the light of day,
You’ll leave on your way -
Never forgetting this one simple thang
That you are the light,
That shows me the way… 

You hold all the secrets that you deny,
sins like skeletons are so very hard to hide.
In spite of all the heartache, in spite of all the danger
I know this isn’t much but, I know I can do better.
I don’t think I deserve it; selflessness find your way into my heart. 
Broken bottles under my feet
Bodies strewn across the dead end streets -
Life is not what I thought it would be
Those scars won’t face away. Fear is a disease that eats away.
There’s nothing here to run from. ‘Cause here everyone’s got someone to lean on.

Nothing you did, nothing you said
never meant a thing at all.
all you can do is run
from that fire that brings you down.
your living in shadows, feeling surrounded aren’t you.
maybe one day you’ll see, the way to find all you ever need
then i’ll come for you, to the rescue.
I’ll be your light in the dark,
never though I’d fall back to the start.